View this email in your browser

weLead with…

Lessons from a Clean-Out

Things are only as important as the relationships they represent

Cleaning out a house that contains a lifetime of memories is intimidating. I can very easily connect an object with a memory, which elevates its value, and then causes me to want to hold on to something that is going to remain in my garage for no real reason.

I know many people who don't have this problem. They very easily can throw things out when their usefulness is over (a "thrower-outer" according to Jerry Seinfeld).

Not me. I was tempted to take so many things, but also, I know myself, and I know that those things would merely be staged in my garage for the dumpster at a later date (see the previous link for Jerry's explanation of the stages of garbage).

Before going to my Dad's, I had to identify the different categories of things, along with the responsibilities attached to each category. This is what I came up with, maybe it will be helpful to you.

Category 1: Personal

This category is where all the things go that have a personal impact or memory that will continue to bring joy for the owner of that thing. Things in Category 1 will be kept because the memory and the relationship is so strong that it outweighs the inconvenience of sheltering that thing.

Similar to the KonMari method that Marie Kondo described in her book, The LIfe-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, wherein you ask the questions, "Does this thing bring me joy?" I've found that this is a crucial question to ask when figuring out if something fits into Category 1.

 Responsibility: Count the cost of sheltering an item

There are monetary costs (if you have storage areas in your residence, calculate the square footage percentage of storage, and calculate that percentage of your mortgage/rent, property tax, etc. That is the real monetary cost of sheltering items.

There are also other costs: space, time and energy costs that aren’t easily quantified, but every item in your home requires something of you. The joy must outweigh the cost.

Category 2: Valuable

Items that others would likely value because of its objective usefulness. Importantly, it is only valuable if someone is willing to go through the process of selling said item. For your purposes, unless someone claims the responsibility to sell an item, it has no practical value. Value is only ascribed when someone is willing and able to pay money for that thing.

A gentleman came by when we had discard items in the driveway, proclaiming that these were all treasures. I asked if he wanted them, and he promptly said "no!" They were, therefore, not treasures to him, because effort became part of the definition of value.

 Responsibility: Take this thing and sell it in a timely manner.

Category 3: Discard. 

Speaking of discard items, this category has two sub-categories: Give-away & throw-away.

Give-away: Items in this category either have some objective value and no one is willing to spend the effort to sell, or there is some personal value, and you can’t bear to see the item in the dumpster. This is a nice median step that gives the dopamine rush of helping a good cause (most stores like Goodwill utilize these items to benefit others) and still discards the item.

Responsibility: Transport the thing to charity.

Throw-away: This is the final resting place for the 90% of the things that we provide shelter for--the dumpster.

Responsibility: Acquire the dumpster, place said thing in its final resting place.

Principles

A couple of principles that I utilized through this process:

1. Once a decision is made about a category, only change your mind if the joy that object brings is overwhelming. Don't think too much about it. You know if it brings you joy. Usually, the reason we change our minds about this is because of what expectations others have put upon us (think about the gentleman in the driveway I mentioned).

2. Don't investigate the boxes. Once the decision is made in a particular category, don't go looking for reasons not to follow through on your decision, because you will invariably find a reason to re-categorize something.

3. Be kind and responsible. Always be aware that people might change their mind on a thing, and that's ok. Kindly remind the mind-changer that there is a responsibility that goes along with each category. Be careful about taking responsibility for others’ categories.

I hope that this was a helpful way of thinking about how to address clean-outs. Let me know if you have other ways of approaching this!

Final Word: Dad, it was a privilege to be with you and help you walk through this process. I love you!

Tweet o’ the week

Go Get it!

Copyright (C) Want to change how you receive these emails?You can update your preferences or unsubscribe